So I’m three weeks into living “happily ever after.” It feels very strange sometimes to be on this side of marriage. For the first twenty-three years of my life, I’ve only ever looked at marriage from the other side, the single girl side. I had watched other couples’ marriages, and I had known how I wanted mine to be, but until now, I had always been in the role of a spectator and a dreamer. Now, I’m newly married, and wonderfully married, I might add, but sometimes it still seems to have a very surreal feel to it.
Psychology speaks of an affect where a person acts out a role until they become that role. For instance, a cadet feels strange the first few weeks or months under their officers. They go through the motions of being a cadet, but it isn’t until they have acted out that role (almost in a somewhat fake way) for a period of time that they actually become that cadet to their core. Then they are no longer acting, but they are really a cadet, fulfilling the role of a cadet because they actually are one.
That is sometimes how I feel. I’m doing what I’ve longed to do, keep house, love a man and look after him and share life with him. But sometimes it feels like I’m acting it out. I know exactly how I think a wife and homemaker should act (or at least I have a fairly well developed personal view in my mind), but sometimes I feel like I’m acting or going through the motions, rather than actually being a wife and homemaker. I’ll hear myself using the words “my husband” and wonder who in the world is talking and then startle myself when I realize it is me. But there are other times, when everything feels so right and perfect and natural, and I feel like I’ve been married and had my own home for forever. Nothing in me wants to go back or retrace any of my steps though. I am so happy. Sometimes I wonder why God is so good to me.
Things I’ve thought about since being newly married:
1. Many things are still the same after marriage, as they were before marriage.
What I was before I got married, I still am. What he was before he got married, he still is. It’s wonderful, beautiful, and special.
2. Love is an awesome thing (and difficult to articulate clearly).
I can’t really put it into any other words. Love is amazing.
3. Marriage takes work, and forgetting about oneself.
No really, I can’t have everything my way; you have got to be kidding!? (Though to be honest, I have received so much and more than I hoped for. This is something, rather, that I’ve thought about more than experienced personally.)
4. Everything will not go perfectly . . . and it’s perfectly ok if it doesn’t.
So…when I make a mistake, it’s ok? Wow! I want so badly to do everything right and perfectly…the first time. Giving myself room to make mistakes or even simply not do it perfectly has been something I’m wrestling with, but my husband has been very encouraging.
5. I’m married to an amazing guy!
So, I’ve heard all the horror stories about the first year of married life (and how things get worse after that – but I mean to, by God’s grace to show that that isn’t true in my marriage), but, all that aside nobody told me how awesome things are after one gets married. I’ve been close to tears, happy tears, numerous times because of how amazing things have been since I exchanged vows with my husband. I had no idea that it could be this good. Courtship was very special, but it in no way compares to marriage!