I had taken a break from writing here for a bit. Mostly because I had run out of things to write about, or more honestly, I hadn’t felt like writing about things. But, now I’m ready again
My husband just got back from AT. For you non-military, non-National Guard people, AT- Annual Training-is two weeks during the summer where the soldiers train and drill. I believe that most of the time, this training is two weeks completely away from family. However, I was blessed tremendously by being able to have my husband back in the evening (although later evening), on most nights. Nothing can replace that hug and kiss and “I love you” every night.
I believe I learned a lot in these two past weeks.
– First, I have become completely convinced of my own rookie status as a military wife. I know exactly what SHOULD be done and how things SHOULD be handled. I could write the manual. But…uh…put me in the field and I get disoriented fast. I have a even greater appreciation for experienced military wives now than I did before.
– Second, it’s true. You do become more independent and confident. I feel now that I grew in my own confidence and in God being with me, even if I do have to handle things when on my own when my husband is gone. Sure, I won’t be thrilled about it, but I can do it.
– Thirdly, even though I couldn’t be part of my husband’s mission (which totally sucks-pardon the word), I was immensely proud of him and did find some ways to be involved. I’ve always wanted to be the little sidekick to my husband. But…the military doesn’t exactly have “sidekicks” in the picture. Blast! lol. So while my husband was off shooting rifles
and driving around in humvees
and trying out night-vision goggles
and repelling off cliffs
(and doing more boring and less glamorous things),
I was at my parents trying not to be jealous and not feel too terribly left out.
BUT, prayer WAS a way for me to be involved. Funny, how that took me awhile to figure out. :)
– Fourthly, and finally, I hadn’t expected change. I thought, really, what could happen in two weeks? Sure, you just push through and come out the other side and everything is the same again, right? While that’s true to a certain extent. I mean, I’m still me, and he’s still him, there were changes. At first, the changes made me really nervous, and I began planning how I would change things back once AT was over, and I worried about what would happened if they didn’t change back.
Then I kinda got over myself and realized, very obviously, that even if there were changes we weren’t going anywhere and neither was God. It was one of those “duh” moments. I also realized how precious it is to be married to a guy who is committed. It’s not about how long we love each other, or how long we have a good time together. It’s about making the most of what God brings our way. We’re here for the good and the bad times. I knew this already, but it was nice to have the reminder, just the same. And, growth (change) isn’t exactly a bad thing.
Oh, oh, oh, one last thing. I clung to something over the last two weeks that was especially comforting. The military is something you can’t argue or reason with. What they say goes, and it doesn’t always make sense. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever had to deal with in the civilian world. I’ve heard people portraying the military as a sort of “god” because it can order anything it wants too basically and you just have to do it (okay, my husband has to do it, I personally am under no binding commitment to the military, but it sure helps my husband if I don’t raise too big a fuss). However, the military can’t give one order or move one step without God allowing it. Sure the military will make bad calls and give bad orders, but they are all under the oversight of God.
And I trust God.
(P.S. Family support from my own family was precious to me too. Two weeks gave me time to renew relationships, especially with my younger brothers. I got to spend a good bit of time with my mom too and that was precious to me. She really seemed to understand and be okay with me not always being all happy all the time. I really felt that she cared. Thanks, Mom!)